Pilgrim Ipsum

How many paragraphs?

Other Excuse me, can we skip the dreamtime? Colour me not interested. I'm going to hit you so hard. I dislike you, capisce? We were lucky to survive the last round. It's sudden death now, okay? [The happiest day of his life] Okay, presumeably, you may have just seen a dude's junk, and I'm very sorry for that... so is he. Dude, the computer claims I have mail! How's it going back there? Roxy? No breakup is painless; somebody always gets hurt. What about you and that girl, Knives? Who broke up with who? Mumble... mumble... scarred for life... If I peed my pants, would you pretend I just got wet from the rain? Mm-hmm... Listen, as you know, I'm opening a new Chaos Theatre in Toronto, and the Sex Bobs are playing our grand opening tonight, and it would feel really weird for all of us if you weren't there. They just did a soundtrack, and the acoustics here are *amazing*! Shut up. Why are you wearing those wristband things, anyway? Don't they make you sweat? This band sucks. Look, I didn't write the gay rulebook. You got a problem with it, take it up with Liberace's ghost. Because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. And the cleaning lady? She cleans up dust. She dusts. And Kim... I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about me. Ramona, I like your outfit. Affordable? That gossipy bitch. That was actually not bad for Scott. Oh god!... oh man! This is a nightmare! Is this a nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up...! Okay. From here on out, no girlfriends or girlfriend talk at practice, whether they're old, new, or "new-new." SOOOOOO SAD!!! Ovo-lacto-vegetarian, maybe.

Cool, I'll make a note of that. Ramona, I love you. I'll love you forever. And I have dipping sauce for you! I'll be your dipping sauce bitch! Seriously, are you wearing, um, a tan jacket? Like a spring jacket? And a hoodie? This band sucks. Scott, are you waiting for the package you just ordered? Heh. I'm sorry, but that's pathetic. She has men dying at her feet! It's milk and eggs, bitch. Pirates are in this year! Oh, he'll be done. Real soon. My name is Knives Chau, and I'm a SCOTTAHOLIC!! [Rating: 7.5/10 Fun fact: He is gay] Next time, we don't date the girl with eleven evil ex-boyfriends. Because... because you'll be dust on Monday. One of your famous ultimatums? Scott, that was not a good comeback. Awww, man? That one band with Crash? And those boys? I hate them! So, what can I *censored* get you? Never *censored* mind how I'm doing it! He was a snot-nosed little brat. He just followed me around. Level with me... did we suck? But if I sign for it you'll leave. We have a mutual friend, see, and she- Ah, screw it. This is Gideon. When would it be convenient for you to die? OH, MY GOD! He's dating a fatass hipster chick! I hate her stupid guts! He only likes her because she's old! She's probably, like, 25! Oh, she's just some fatass white girl, you know?! This is just another example of Scott Pilgrim being a lazy ass who doesn't fight his own battles!

I can't believe you're drinking beer! Is this the transformative power of love, or what? Um, Envy... I read your blog. Have you dumped everyone you've ever been with? You've never been the dumpee? I.. You're 22!.... 23.... 24? You're 19!! DON'T SWEAT IT! ENVY'S ALL LOOKS! SHE'S JUST A PRETTY-BOY! Fight your own battles, lazy ass! If I peed my pants, would you pretend I just got wet from the rain? We have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepy time, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey, vanilla almond, white truffel, blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut, constant comment and... earl grey. OK, laytaz'! All right, this next song goes out to the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony. It's called "We Hate You, Please Die." I think I'm not getting something. Dude, you could ask. Look, Scott. I'm going to issue an ultimatum. Let's be friends based on mutual hate. No, it's just that you have this really convenient subspace highway running through your head that I like to use. It's, like, 3 miles in 15 seconds. The girl from earlier? No. Not even. That was some total ass. I was the other guy. Their first album is better than their first album. I wish I could turn into a morphing ball and roll to the bathroom from here, instead of having to get up. How's it going back there? I was only dating Lucas until the minute Todd walked by. Guess that's not very nice, but I used to be kind of...like that. We hated everyone, we wrecked stuff, nobody cared. He punched a hole in the moon for me. It was pretty crazy. A week-and-a-half later, he told me his dad was sending him to Vegan Academy, so, I dumped him. The De-Veganizing Ray. Hit him!! Scott, it was the ninth grade. He was a skinny little snot-nosed brat. He asked me out 96 times and I finally said okay. I forgot you guys don't have that in Canada. We are Sex Bob-Omb. We are here to make money and sell out and stuff. One-two-three-four!